


Starfleet Flirting Academy

by MissMurdock



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Funny, James T. Kirk & Spock Friendship, James T. Kirk is a Good Friend, Spock Needs a Hug (Star Trek), Spock is a Good Friend (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMurdock/pseuds/MissMurdock
Summary: This takes place slightly before the Original Series Episode, "The Enterprise Incident"Kirk has received changes to the already classified orders he has from Starfleet to infiltrate the Romulan Neutral Zone and steal the newly discovered Cloaking Device. But can even the master of charm aboard the Enterprise find a way to get Spock James Bond ready for their suddenly slightly romantic mission?(Chapter 5 is live people! We are almost to where the episode actually starts! I do have some fun ideas coming up... I can't wait for them to actually interact.)
Relationships: Spock/Romulan Commander
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

“Captain’s Log: Stardate… Classified. My mission for today:Well.. May God have mercy on my soul.”  
Captain Kirk hit the switch on his log recorder with a little more emphasis than was usual. He could tell the crew were already beginning to become more uptight and concerned by the show that Starfleet demanded he put on. His loss of control and stress was all an act of course, aimed towards acquiring the most dangerous technology in the galaxy currently, but he didn’t like not being able to include all of his crew in the plan. And now this…  
His door chimed softly and Kirk pushed the control without responding verbally. His First Officer walked in, still in his uniform after coming off duty, his face it’s usual calm mask.  
“Sit down Mr. Spock. I’m afraid I wasn’t able to be totally truthful in my last request. Starfleet didn’t relay a question from the Vulcan Science Academy, it’s about our current classified mission. We’ve received some new intelligence about the Romulan’s fleet commander.”  
Spock quirked an eyebrow and sat, straight backed in the chair opposite Kirk. He inclined his head to indicate that Kirk should continue.  
“It seems our intelligence community has received indications that a new Commander has been appointed to the fleet that holds the cloaking device. A young, rising star, with a history of persuading others to join the Empire. In their fleet’s company is an Andorian defector, several Gorn and there is rumored to be a Klingon working on their physical training program.”  
“Fascinating,” murmured Spock, crossing his arms across his chest. “Such recruitment seems to indicate that the commander does not follow the Empire’s imperitivate to execute prisoners immediately. It does raise the odds of success for our mission Captain.”  
“It does indeed Mr. Spock, and that’s why I’ve had to call you in here. Starfleet has chosen to flip the script on us due to the emergence of this new intelligence. They’ve decided that I will not be the one to be the distraction aboard the Romulan vessel.” Kirk paused and watched Spock. Only someone very familiar with his friend’s minute changes of expression would have been able to tell the slight skepticism that Spock felt towards Starfleet’s new choices.  
“Indeed Captain? I am duty bound to point out that all of our past missions indicates that when subterfuge and improvisation are required, you have proven yourself over and over to be a master at these human tactics, while I…”  
“Don’t sell yourself short Mr. Spock. No one has a better poker face, and this mission will require only the best. However, it’s more than that. We know that with this new commander humans who have defected from Starfleet have never been offered a place in the Empire. Starfleet believes that it will be a better distraction and she will react very differently with an eye to recruitment if she is offered a Vulcan interested in selling out his unstable Captain.”  
Spock sat silent, considering this complete change of tactics for their carefully reasoned plan. He already questioned Star Fleet’s confidence in him as an undercover intelligence worker, and though he unquestionably had learned quite a few tricks of improvisation in their voyage, it was not his strongest area of social interaction.  
“Does Starfleet wish for me to play a warrior with the Commander, act as if I wish to acquire the Enterprise for my own and join the Empire?”  
“Yes, that is part of the angle Spock, but remember, the Romulans are proud of all of their heightened emotions, not just ones of violence. Starfleet intelligence has had some marked success with using positive emotions for distraction and intelligence gathering operations.”  
“You refer to the use of flattery, Captain?”  
Kirk began to sweat a little bit, but tried not to show it as he stared into Spock’s unblinking, and they suddenly struck him as rather innocent, eyes.  
“Well yes, Spock, but a bit more than that. Starfleet asked me to brief you rather than sending a coded instructional message because of my higher than usual scored in one of our intelligence classes at the academy. It was one that you were excused from if I heard correctly?”  
Spock, unmoving, became possibly even more still. His eyes narrowed and stared Kirk down, almost daring him to mention the offending class.  
“It’s nothing to be nervous about, it should tie nicely into your plans of flattery and acting ambitious. We just need to push things a little further.”  
He smiled at Spock, hoping to break the tension a little. Spock seemed to be using his low level telepathy to indicate a general desire to run from the room back to his safe science station, but Kirk, fully committed, finally went straight to the crux of the matter.  
“Spock, Starfleet has ordered me to teach you how to flirt.”


	2. Romulan Fighting Academy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Spock and Kirk try to puzzle out how to out maneuver the new Romulan Commander through flirting, a conversation takes place on the other side of the Neutral Zone involving our favorite Romulan Commander and a Devious Senator.

“Commander? A classified message has come in from the Romulan High Command, would you like me to return the Prisoner or keep them battling till your return?”  
  
The Romulan Commander flipped her hair out of her face and turned to address her subordinate. Her arms were wrapped tightly around the neck of the Gorn foot soldier who had unwittingly become her workout for the day. Sunken to its knees the hulking warrior clawed at her knees which held its arms tightly to its side so she could continue squeezing its throat closed.  
  
“That won’t be necessary Sub-Commander Tal, I’ll be finished momentarily.” She smiled tightly and increased her pressure on the Gorn’s throat. It made a final rattling noise and finally went limp in her grip. Knowing that the skirmish was over she stepped lightly over the prone body and went to the wall where she’d hung her uniform. No time for a refresher, she pulled it on over her workout briefs and top and flattened her hair down where it had been ruffled by the Gorn’s failed attempt to pull it and use her own body against her.  
  
“Take the Prisoner back to the brig Tal, see that he’s given food and water, and medical attention. I’ll have another talk with him tomorrow and see if he’s ready to join his brother in our Empire yet.”

Tal gave her a curt version of their salute and she nodded her head to him as she exited the room. Walking down the hallway of her ship she smiled at her crew as they passed. The mood on the ship felt exceptional today, full of ferocity and pride, exulting in their use of the precious new technology they had earned to have aboard their vessels, leading to their victory over the Klingon incursion into sovereign Romulan Space. Trading ship designs did not mean that everything was meant to be shared, and the chastened Klingon’s would no doubt let their Empire know that the Romulans would not turn a blind eye to what was rightly seen as an invasion of territory.  
  
“Commander’s Quarters,” she ordered the lift as she strode inside. Her own confidence surged as well as she waited to speak to her superior officers. Her recent recruit Kortar, hadn’t even flinched when their ship had destroyed the invaders from his former Empire. Her eye for talent proved itself again, and his swift rise through the lower ranks to be assistant Physical Trainer justified itself with her warriors’ above excellent performances as they invaded and destroyed the Klingons. She had sent him a Warrior’s Reward after their successful mission and Kortar would enjoy being waited on by those of lower rank who would be able to see what glory awaited those who effectively served the Empire.  
  
Finally reaching her lavish suite, she saw her indicator light flashing the warning that those on the other end would wait no longer, she stood before the screen and waited for the image to dissolve itself into a face she hadn’t seen since her Naval Training. It was Senator Vaebn, ostensibly the Head of the Senate’s Intelligence Force, but in actuality, the man behind the Proconsul’s assassination squad. She knew only certain members of the Navy were privy to his name and position. Her above average achievements in persuasion and subterfuge would have fast tracked her right into a position on the squad, but she had her sights set on a different place of power. And she liked it right where she was. Perhaps Vaebn had other ideas...

“Commander. I have waited.”

“Senator Vaebn, I was dealing with a prisoner. I would see him serving the Star Empire with his brother later this week, but such persuasion takes some delicacy. Sub-Commander Tal just informed me that your message was incoming.”  
  
“I prefer not to speak with subordinates, be more prompt when I call Commander. I have little time now. My… associates are eager for me to share some news we have heard with the Empire’s rising star.” Vaebn inclined his head slightly towards her with a dark smile. “The Klingon’s are not the only ones skirting the Neutral Zone with an eye towards invasion and theft. Your new acquisition has sent waves throughout the galaxy.”  
  
She kept her face neutral. It was a purposefully open secret in the Empire that the very first Cloaking Devices were awarded to her fleet. Their past victories and current ferocity and cunning made the choice expected and well deserved. They wanted the news to leak to other members of the Navy to encourage similar achievements for future rewards. However, if news of their technology had leaked outside the Star Empire…  
  
“The Klingon’s were not interested in theft. It appears they were only interested in dying.” She smiled and took a seat, leaning back in her chair as she stared down Vaebn. “What human vessel is asking for an early destruction?”  
  
Vaebn smiled back at her, the smile he used to give her in class when she was one step ahead of him again. Who else would be after Romulan technology but Starfleet? That mass of terrans and other misfits flew around their corner of the galaxy so smug in their non-interference and non-helpful voyages to assist others. What assistance was it to the galaxy to teach peace and logic when war and senseless tragedy pervaded every creature’s existence? Every Romulan knew this, and every terran denied it as they embraced the lies given to them from their gutless commanders. She could think of barely any vessel worth even the thought of capture.  
  
“Destruction is what they taught you in Naval training, but Commander, a bolder move would be to consider what you can gain from this vessel. It would be an exceedingly interesting enterprise.”  
  
The Enterprise. She felt her heart speed up slightly and she sat forward in her chair again. Vaebn was being very unsubtle, but he didn’t have to be. The only Federation warship worth the name was The Enterprise. The ship itself was only a piece of the prize. Every human aboard would be a fountain of information for the Empire about Starfleet’s plans, technology and strength. This was the only prize worth pursuing. The only question was…

“Am I too late to embark on this glorious enterprise? Has the Proconsul sent another?”  
  
“The Proconsul knows nothing of this venture. Yet. If you can see it through Commander, I see a much larger fleet coming under your control. Who knows, you may acquire support from the entire Senate and the Proconsul. Enough for any ambitions and needed changes to be made.”  
  
There it was, the reason behind his call. Vaebn always saw intelligence as interconnected to the Navy, far more than the current Senators or Proconsul ever would. She had always been sympathetic to his plan, preferring to use recruitment and subterfuge in her missions instead of dealing out death unreservedly. It had gotten her this far, not without some disapproval from the Senate, but her results spoke for themselves. Now she had the perfect opportunity to make a career defining capture practically at the beginning of her ascendancy. All she had to do was out maneuver a ship full of humans. When she already possessed a cloaking device. Could power come to her any easier?  
  
“Commander, I caution you, the humans will not give the prize willingly. They are like many among us and would rather destroy themselves than be held as prisoners and taken for information. Though you are a warrior, you must reason with the humans not to destroy themselves. Persuade them.”  
  
“Senator, I assure you, I can be very persuasive.”


	3. Starbase Flirting Failures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spock tries to flirt, and Kirk's disbelief in the no-win scenario is shaken. 
> 
> (Sorry it took so long to update, I do have an end goal and hopefully more will be coming soon)

Captain Kirk thought he hadn’t come with unreasonable high hopes when gauging Spock’s baseline flirting abilities. However, this little experiment had dropped his expectations from “friendly with a chance of intriguing,” to “not actively homicidal.” He knew Spock to be a friend with a subtle but wicked sense of humor and the ability to carry on an entertaining conversation. He was the son of a highly celebrated diplomat for crying out loud. How on earth was he not only failing to avoid the dreaded awkward silences between remarks on this transmission but also actually managing to make this woman fear for her safety despite the parsecs between their two spacecrafts?  
  


Commander Freifa’s starbase was the most popular destination for starships when shore leave was available, not only because of the excellent amusement facilities and variety of world cuisines available, but because Freifa made everyone who spoke to her want to be a part of her party. The Orion Starfleet Commander had been in the class above Kirk at the academy and even there she drew people to her with her wit and ability to make everyone feel that their conversation was her favorite part of the day. This should have been a ridiculously easy test: carry on a casual conversation with this beautiful, witty, engaging Commander while Kirk pretended to be late for their call and sat and observed Spock from the sidelines. It boggled the mind how this had all gone so incredibly poorly.  
  


“I’m sorry Commander Spock, did I lose you there for a second?” Friefa’s black eyebrows knit in concerns as the slight stress wrinkles in her green forehead became more pronounced. She fidgeted with the connection controls in front of her, as if she was considering how obvious it would look if she “accidentally” ended the call early.  
  


“No. I was merely not talking.” Spock kept his gaze fixed on the corner of the screen where a somber Starfleet poster warning of the dangers of Space Sickness hung on Friefa’s wall.  
  


Kirk honestly couldn’t tell if Spock was being purposefully difficult due to his dislike for their mission or whether the idea of actually trying to flirt had him tied up in so many knots that his usual fluently bilingual brain was translating everything very slowly in Old Vulcan. He waved a hand to catch Spock’s attention and pointed to his eyes. Spock muted the conversation, turning to where his Captain sat.  
  


“Remember Spock, if you want someone to think you’re interested in them, actually looking at them helps. Unmute that and have a conversation.” He pointed sternly to the controls and Spock hit them again.  
  


“I apologize Commander Friefa, it does appear that our transmission was briefly interrupted. My Captain should arrive momentarily. Has your day been free of incident or do you fear for your safety in the highly disputed region of space in which your command rests?” Spock’s eyes burned unblinkingly into the monitor, Friefa unconsciously scooted further back in her chair and hugged herself.  
  


“Umm, no. I think things are fine out here. Is your Captain going to be on soon to discuss shore leave? I mean being the Commander here I do have…”  
  


“Yes, he will be on shortly. Have you not heard of the unrest in the Romulan controlled worlds that neighbor your base?”  
  


“Yes, I guess so. I try not to worry.” Friefa’s pinched face belied her words. Kirk made a swift cutting motion across his throat. Time to end this before Spock got written up for harassment.  
  


“Pardon me, Captain Kirk is prepared to enter the conversation. I found our chat semi-informative.” Spock stood up a bit more quickly than normal and left the chair vacant for Kirk to have an entertaining five minute conversation with the very relieved Friefa. Though not quite as laugh a minute as their previous shore leave discussions had been, Kirk had all he needed to reassure himself that the problem was not with Friefa’s disposition that day. The problem was 1.83 meters, dressed in blue and currently standing at attention in the corner. Kirk switched off the transmission with one last laugh, then sat with his arms crossed and let the silence in the room grow. Pointless really, Spock seemed all too comfortable with uncomfortable silences.  
  


“Spock, you know that I don’t ascribe to no-win scenarios. But this is about as close as I think we’ll ever get. Please confirm to me that you were actually, at one point in your life, engaged to a female?”  
  


“I can confirm Captain. But as you are well aware, the circumstances of our betrothal and subsequent interactions do not translate well to this particular mission.” Spock kept his hands clasped behind his back and refused to make eye contact. Kirk sighed a little, of course he knew that, but Spock could usually see a joke. Today he was not having it.  
  


“I concede that. But I can’t believe that what I just saw was you actually trying. You’ve lived with us emotional humans for years, you frequently talk to people and don’t scare them to death, some of them even end up liking you.” Kirk smiled and shook his head, remembering some early explosive interactions between his first officer and Doctor. “Seriously Spock, this should not be that different from a little something I like to call, “making friends.” What happened to your ability to have a semi-normal conversation?”  
  


“Captain, the parameters of the mission have changed. I cannot behave in the manner to which I am accustomed, and apparently my attempts to employ Romulan-esque aggressive social tactics have translated as terrifying. Allow me to reiterate my previously held opinion that when matters of subterfuge and enticing interactions are required you are the superior…”  
  


“Spock, we are not there yet.” Kirk stood up and paced the floor behind the comm station. “Starfleet specifically asked that you be trained for this mission, the Romulan Commander is not going to be interested in carrying on a conversation with a human Captain, let alone offer me the chance to join the empire. Let’s focus in here. You’re right that you can’t act as you normally would, but you are going to have to sell that you are interested in this person.”  
  


Kirk stopped and looked at Spock expectantly, even if this problem was not in his area of expertise, bouncing ideas off each other had kept them successful this long, he wanted Spock to consider the problem. He saw Spock making the attempt, but the Old Vulcan translator in his head was apparently still in effect.  
  


“Perhaps a change of tactics should be considered. As you mentioned, I have had years to observe human behavior. We cannot attempt to hide the circumstances of my birth, the Romulans have already acquired some Starfleet personnel records through intelligence gathering techniques and will no doubt have taken a particular interest in Vulcan officers.”  
  


Spock stopped and gave a slight, embarrassed shudder, then forged ahead. “I have, in the past, experienced a release of human emotions under certain circumstances. I may be able to replicate my behaviors with enough verisimilitude to intrigue the Commander without making her think I wish violence upon her.”  
  


Kirk’s thoughts went back to some of those “certain circumstances,” when he’d come back from the “dead” after Spock’s abortive marriage ceremony turned fight to the death. Spock practically hugging him with a delighted smile. Then later, finding Spock swinging from a tree on a strange planet, believing he could live in paradise with an old crush. His first officer had been able to tap into some emotions when he’d met back up with Leila, even if it was due to an alien spore. Leila’s crush had seemed to be pretty unreciprocated originally, back when Spock was trying even harder to walk the tightrope between his Vulcan and Human sides, but maybe there was a way to tap into some of those infatuated feelings, buried deep. Very, very deep.  
  


“All right, the first thing we need to work on is your smile.”  
  


Spock raised a quizzical eyebrow. It was going to be a very long night.  
  



	4. Star Empire Flirting Forbidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Romulan Commander makes some hard hitting observations about Starfleet, frightens an Ensign and receives some tantalizing information.

“Are any of these Starfleet Captains not human males?” The Romulan Commander frowned as she looked up from her workstation at the Ensign across from her. The young Romulan female scrolled past name after name.  
  


“These are older lists Commander. My apologies again, I have the most up to date information that the Star Empire’s databases have available.” The Commander watched Ensign Nellith swallow quickly then meet her gaze with clear eyes and straightened shoulders. At least she was showing confidence in her poor work.  
  


“Ensign Nellith, as a member of my crew, you have been given the opportunity to explore beyond the confines of the Empire’s databases. When I ask for current Starfleet crew assignments, I expect an effort beyond a cursory search with the onboard computer. I will give you time to correct your errors. Dismissed.” She spoke in a measured tone, keeping her gaze trained directly on the slowly wilting Ensign. Nellith shot up, gave her an almost violently crisp salute, already scrolling furiously through her datapad as she left the room.  
  


Finally alone. She had not had a moment to herself since her call with Senator Vaebn. She’d been briefing her senior officers on the general outline of the mission and bringing Subcommander Tal into her confidence. Tal lacked the vision to Command, but was a ruthlessly loyal and efficient second. Now he was prepared to serve as liaison to the Enterprise when they arrived so she could hold her presence in reserve.  
  


She smiled as she scrolled through the list of Starfleet Captains, wondering which one would be in Command of the Enterprise when it arrived. She knew that having Tal initiate the capture would confuse them. Starfleet would never dare trust a second in Command with the capture of such important intelligence from their rivals. They pushed their Commanding Officers into every dangerous mission they could possibly engage in, blundering and improvising their way to a solution instead of observing every mission as a whole, planning and adjusting pieces till the victory was achieved. There was certainly a time for a Commander to be part of a battle, but the entire idea of Command was being able to step apart and see the mission as a whole, not push yourself into every situation. You had to have confidence in your crew, which is why she made certain to select only the best.  
  


A chime sounded outside her door. “Enter.” she called out, not looking up from her list of Captains.  
  


“Commander.” The Klingon’s harsh voice.  
  


“Lieutenant Kortar, how is the crew performing with their hand to hand combat drills?” She smiled as she looked up from her work, and saw Kortar salute.  
  


“I broke several arms, but now they’ve learned to take our drills seriously, we will not be playing in War, and training is not a game either. The broken have been healed as you commanded.” The Klingon crossed his arms and huffed out a little sigh.  
  


“You’re no longer in the Klingon Empire. I will not engage in deadly combat if I dislike your opinion. You didn’t wish to heal the broken?” She guessed, watching as Kortar nodded and launched into his tirade.  
  


“I still bear scars from my youth. It reminds me to be better. It seems dishonorable and foolish to deny them their scars.”  
  


“Is it not dishonorable to hobble your forces before a battle? In the Star Empire, we mix honor with wisdom and cunning.” She stood and took his hand, turning it over to find the scar she’d given him on his capture, now a barely noticeable white line, he had refused to have it attended to. “A word can stay in your mind when a scar has all but healed. You who were often called dishonorable by fools in the Klingon Empire know this.”  
  


“I am still learning.”Kortar clenched his fist, squeezing her hand and then releasing it.  
  


"I applaud your honesty, and I suggest you enjoy your off duty time with Lieutenant Rasda before our glorious mission begins." She knew Kortar and the young Romulan Lieutenant had recently forged a pairing born of endless sparring matches. It would not be the first time or the last. There was no harm in mixing a little business and pleasure among equals. Being a warrior and nothing else showed a lack of creativity.  
  


For herself, the occasional kiss when she was able to meet an old flame and not much else had been her rule since she had been made Commander, her time was taken by other things and no prospects that interested her had presented themselves, living on her ship and with her crew. Dalliances with those lower in rank was the mark of a Commander more in love with pleasure than power or honor.  
  


"You speak the truth Commander. May I be dismissed?"  
  


"Yes, dismissed."  
  


As he left the room Ensign Nellith rushed in, balancing two different pads in her hand and a confident gleam in her eyes.  
  


"Commander!" A fumbled salute with a pad in her hand. "Permission to enter?"  
  


"Granted. You have new information."  
  


"Yes, yes I do. I asked Ensign Yast if he knew of any backdoor channels that could let me into the Andorian networks, and we were able to expand the signal till we came across this!" Nellith handed over her second pad. "It's not a list of all of the current Starfleet Captains, but we found a reference to the Enterprise from the stardate of my graduating class. Their Captain was a human male, James T. Kirk."  
  


The Commander scrolled the information, already irritated by the sandy haired smirking terran gazing out at her from the screen. He had some impressive history, but also, it seemed, the Starfleet tendency to jump into the middle of missions with no plan whatsoever. She wouldn't underestimate anyone, but her spirits and confidence rose.  
  


"I also found a list of First Officers in Starfleet, but no crew assignments. Looks pretty current, I've pinpointed any who seem to have served close to the neutral zone."  
  


A list of shiny, smiling first officers from a smattering of the Federation’s favorite planets popped onto the Commander’s screen, she scrolled over them until her finger halted on an unsmiling dark haired officer. Selecting his face she pulled up his record, sadly only half complete in their intelligence dump.  
  


"A Vulcan in Starfleet?"  
  


"Yes, the first one, son of Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan. There's some confusion associated with his birth, but our records don't say what." Nellith's fingers flew across the screen as she took in as much information as possible. "Looks like he had incredible grades in the Academy, commendations… but not likely to be serving aboard the Federation flagship, only 18 years in service. I doubt the Federation would send one of our distant cousins, they’d be afraid of being betrayed."  
  


Well, she supposed you couldn’t ask for every advantage during a mission. The Commander turned off her pad, escaping the gaze of those deep brown eyes. " I suppose we'll have to meet Mr. Spock another day."


	5. Starfleet Flirting Finagling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock tries online dating. Well, not all ideas can be good ones... However a breakthrough is made!
> 
> Points to anyone who can identify the times when Spock was being a good liar that I hint at in this chapter. ;-) 
> 
> Spock and Kirk are besties fluff ahead! No regrets. ;-) Also look for a Bones mention, I kind of wanted him to cameo, but I don't think Bones knew all about the plan in "The Enterprise Incident" until later.

“‘Creepy…. Would date, only if we were marooned on a planet together...Handsome, but the grim reaper grin is not working for you….Sexy voice, mysterious, stop showing your face…?!” James Kirk looked up from the steady stream of scathing responses to Spock’s dating profile. “Well Spock, the data is not promising.”  
  


“To be completely accurate Captain, we would require a sample audience consisting of Romulans females who are also in the military, is it possible that my abilities to mimic human fliration will pass more easily among them?” Kirk had to give him points for maintaining a positive attitude.  
  


Spock had allowed himself to be coached by Kirk to record a sample dating message, over which Kirk had placed a filter to both protect Spock’s identity and not compromise Starfleet security (Or let them know how poorly this project was going…).To his credit, Spock had reached deep into the recesses of his personal tool kit and pulled out some version of a flirty human that Kirk had fooled himself into thinking was not truly uncanny. Watching the message back now, he saw where the responses were coming from.  
  


“On my planet we don’t kiss and tell,” here Spock executed a mechanically perfect wink and nod to the camera along with the painted on smile Kirk had demanded, which in hindsight, looked to be a mistake. “Come and walk the beaches with me and enjoy a triple sunset as I watch the most beautiful thing on this planet… you!” It just wasn’t believable. Yes, it wasn’t meant to be serious, a line a woman might laugh at and then ask about if she found you to be funny or intriguing, but none of this was working for Spock.  
  


“Mr. Spock, after considerable trial and error, I’ve concluded that playing hard to get and mysterious is literally all you’ve got, so it’s time to go all in on that.” The relief emanating from his friend was absolutely palpable. “I’m also deleting your dating profile permanently and completely, and I am ordering you to forget this ever happened.”  
  


“Confirmed Captain.”  
  


Kirk busied himself briefly deleting the failed dating profile experiment with great prejudice and finally swiveled his chair to look up and considered his friend, sitting stoically in the chair across from him. Despite the commenters rude review of Spock’s face, Kirk felt that he was a fairly good judge of beauty and didn’t think that there was going to be any particular need to spice up that aspect of him when going undercover as a love interest. The filter for the dating profile hadn’t done him any favors, but as he was, Kirk had noticed the times when new crew members were “fascinated” by Spock’s dark eyes and brooding manner before his aloof attitude towards romance let them know this wasn’t going to happen for them. Spock hadn’t ever seemed to notice, though Kirk knew he kept things to himself, and yes, he was a very hard person to read. There had to be ways to take advantage of that.  
  


“Spock, we’ve tried some of the more human methods of flirting, and they haven’t been a success. Is there any chance at all that Vulcans ever flirt?”  
  


Spock’s skin took on a slight greenish tinge that meant embarrassment rather than revulsion, though they may have been mixed.  
  


“As I said, I was betrothed when I was very young, as are most Vulcans.”  
  


“Yes, but you’re telling me there was never anyone who didn’t know that and tried to flirt with you when you were growing up? You say not all Vulcan’s are betrothed as children, didn’t you see any of your friends flirting?”  
  


“It would not be comparable to human flirting Captain.”  
  


“Spock, at this point we will take anything.”  
  


Spock sighed, and went silent. Kirk had a sudden flashback to another uncomfortable conversation about Vulcan customs between him and his friend. Getting to the heart of the matter had taken more diplomacy and understanding than he’d ever employed on any peace mission, not to mention years of trust and friendship between them. It was a mark of how much he trusted to Kirk’s friendship and discretion that Spock took a pause of only about half a minute to compose himself. He did resolutely turn his chair so that they were no longer looking at one another, his profile rigid.  
  


“You are correct that not all Vulcan children are betrothed. Some families prefer to keep the choices open for their children till the first Pon Farr is close, though this choice does risk much, and can lead to hasty bondings of dubious wisdom. My parents preferred betrothal because of the uncertainty of the timing due to my human heritage. Vulcan youths who are free to choose tend to express preferences early in adolescence.”  
  


Kirk nodded, he’d always wondered in the back of his mind about Amanda and Sarek’s choices in regards to their son’s early betrothal, especially considering the outcome. Looking at it in a starkly “logical” manner, finding a suitable mate from a family they were well acquainted with did seem a safer choice than hastily running around looking for any available mate if Spock’s human blood delayed or encouraged the onset of the blood fever. Also, he’d gotten hints over the years that Vulcan society was not free of prejudice for those outside the norm, so the potential pool of suitors for Spock’s hand may have been small.  
  


“So you say they express preferences, how did that usually look Spock?” he encouraged, leaning a hand on the desk separating them.  
  


“Logic is extremely prized, even in matters that involve a….loosening of our internal controls.” Spock tightened his lips and looked straight ahead at the wall. “In interactions that precede a declaration of interest or proposed betrothal, vulcan females look for those who are the most observant and truthful. In order to capture her interest, a suitor must demonstrate that he is interested and committed enough to understand her, the interests she pursues, her preferences and her family. Without violating any of our strict privacy conventions, a suitor may make observations that would appear rude or uncomfortable to a human.”  
  


A sudden flashback to Spock’s interactions with the Starbase Commander entered Kirk’s mind. In a way he had picked up on a more subtle cue that Kirk himself had missed, the Commander was concerned about the safety of her base, but conventions and preferences demanded that she deny this insight. A vulcan female probably would have had a spicy discussion on starbase defense systems far into the night.  
  


“It is merely a saying that vulcans cannot lie, as you well know, but in matters of attraction and bonding, truth is very much prized.” Spock finally turned and looked him in the eye. “I believe that I struggle to find a way to simulate attraction while knowing that all of my interactions will be a lie.”  
  


Kirk shifted in his chair, now it was his turn to look away. Hang Starfleet, why they had thought this mission was a good fit for Spock was beyond his comprehension. Never mind, he knew exactly what the reasoning was: desperation. The cloaking device would change the face of security in the galaxy unless both sides were able to obtain it. They were jumping on any chance they had that could give them an advantage. Speaking of which, he felt like he may have found a way to do exactly that.  
  


“Spock, thank you for your insights, and your honesty. I know this isn’t a mission you are comfortable with, but I believe there are ways we can do this together, and I will do everything I can to get you ready. First of all, I want you to know that human flirting and vulcan flirting have some things in common, so I can only assume that Romulan flirting probably does as well. First of all, let’s separate those two parts of the mission in your mind. I know you can lie Spock, and I know you won't admit it, but you’ve even had fun doing it.”  
  


The phrase ‘stone knives and bearskins” repeated itself in Kirk’s head, along with an image of Spock hovering over a gangster boss’ desk, advising him to keep dialing.  
  


“You are correct, Captain, that I have had practice lying. I don’t fear my ability to pretend a dislike I don’t have, but when it comes to expressing a preference for someone…”  
  


“I’m not sure how I should feel about you having no qualms about selling me out to the Romulans Spock, when the idea of giving a girl a compliment makes you want to resign.” Kirk smirked and Spock, knowing him too well merely deadpanned an eyebrow raise. “So that’s no problem. When it comes to expressing interest in this Commander, don’t lie. Actually use those vulcan flirting abilities and observe her. See what makes her unique or admirable. She’s risen to the rank of commander, she must have qualities that brought her there. Use your eyes, tell her what about her is physically pleasing. You can lie all you want about your intentions, just don’t lie about her.”  
  


For the first time in these seemingly endless training sessions, Spock looked up and the old gleam of interest and confidence was back in his eyes. The shorthand they had together as friends was already helping him make the proper mental connections to frame this mission for its best chance at success.  
  


“Ingenious Captain. I believe that...would be possible. Even leaving us a statistically advantageous chance at success. However, is there anything that I should carry over from our previous training?”  
  


“Yes Spock, be honest, but don’t say every single thing you think. You know humans fairly well. Only say the positive observations aloud. Let’s keep the bar pretty low, if it would start a fight with Bones, don’t bring it up in your interactions with the commander.”  
  


The description was apt. Spock nodded.  
  


“I do have one final concern, Captain.” Spock resumed his “uncomfortable topic” position of staring ahead at the wall and Kirk braced himself. “I presume if I am successful, the Commander may initiate a clandestine conversation about my turn from the Federation. If this involves physical interaction, I have some concerns about the possible telepathic abilities of Romulans. They lack the discipline to initiate telepathic connections, however, we have not been able to test if any transfer is possible due to our close genetic origins. If such is the case, any touching of hands or…. other interactions could result in the overthrow of our plans.”  
  


While Kirk admired Spock’s ability to project his usual stoicism onto the possibility of kissing an enemy commander, he found it ironic after all the hand wringing about flirting. He supposed that actually physically interacting with someone who was attracted to him was somewhat of a known quantity, there had been at least one past interaction involving kisses.  
  


“Well Spock, I would say try to keep thoughts focused on your observations of this Commander while you’re interacting, and not our plans just in case anything would get through. You may find yourself in a situation involving more in depth interactions, but we’ll just have to try to keep her hands off of you.”


End file.
